I arrive there
He’s not expecting me
Will you let me in , i ask him
He’s alone
He lights up a cigarette
And i join him inside
He looks surprised to see me there
I guess he’s not over it yet
I laugh, but not very convincingly
I’m shaking, but don’t know why
Maybe i’m not over it yet, either
We look in each others eyes
I had so many things to say
But now i feel a sore throat
I feel strange to be there
And he seems strange to have me there
I search through my mind for the words
I wanted to say
But i can’t find them
Suddenly i feel hollowed
He has this effect on me
A strange effect that makes me numb
when i have so much to say
and makes me speak nonsense
when i have nothing to say
He looks at me in doubt
This silence is awkward
and exciting and new
I sit next to him on the black sofa
He looks at his hands
and i look at mine for a while
I can sense his eyes on my face
but i dare not to look
I dare not to let this moment fade away
this moment so innocent and perfect
and simple and non hurtful
It’s safe...it makes me safe
to stay frozen inside this moment
but i know that i can not stay
there forever
And soon will come the time
that will not go back
that will come crashing in
destroying everything
Letting me no option but to go
to go and not look back
I don’t want to go, not yet
I want to stay a while
And a moment sometimes feels like an eternity
but in my mind i have lived an eternity
with you
There, no one can hurt me
No one can keep us apart
But i know that nothing lasts forever
It’s forever just as long as it lasts
and i realize i’m not over it yet
and he is going to hurt me again
I realize it doesn’t matter
not anymore
Whatever his words are
there is no turning back
i can not trust him again
But still i feel him in me...
I should leave, this is the moment
The moment to leave
But he speaks
I can’t make out the words
I’m still wrapped in that moment
I have to return
He says he’s sorry
He did not mean to hurt me
Maybe in another time, another place
another world
But i already have that world
not a real world
and it’s not enough anymore
I should leave now
But my legs seem to fail me
and i feel the sore throat
i feel the sore heart
i feel the tears making up room
but i don’t want to cry
I’ve wasted so many tears for you
have you cried for me?
It would have been nice
That you would cry for me once
Is it really over? Inside it’s not over
Maybe that’s because it never started
And there can not be an end
To a no beginning
But you have broken that trust
You have broken that special thing
Without name
Does it really make it simple to be nameless?
I can not trust you anymore, but i feel
And it’s worse to feel it can never work
I stand still and you look at me confused
I head for the door and you call me
Does it matter now what i have to say?
We have come this far without names
So why should it matter to say something now?
To name the nameless it’s not an option for you
Name the nameless, that can not be
So we can make it easier
So it won’t hurt
But it hurts, and now what do i do?
I have tried to name it but...
But it still hurts
Can you make it better?
Do you promise it will go away ?
Take the pain away
Take it with you as you leave
I guess it’s time to go
You come to me and ask for a kiss
For what? For a souvenir?
For those sleepless nights in the future
When you’ll think of me
For those cold nights when it’s raining outside
And you’ll think of me... what might have been
Will this kiss warm you then?
I don’t think so
Maybe it will make you smile
Or maybe it will just make you hurt
And maybe then, maybe just then
in that cold rainy night
you will share a tear for me